What Your Car Says About You

By: Jeff Wozer March 27, 2013
Painted VW Bus
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Just as you are what you eat, you also are what you drive. The type of vehicle you own conveys insight on your personality, your likes and dislikes, your hobbies, preferred pets and more.

Minivan cheers and hoots:

  • You spend every weekend pretending you like all the other parents at your child's soccer games.
  • Street panhandlers waive off begging for spare change because they feel sorry for you.
  • You have kids who ask to be dropped off two blocks from school.
  • When driving you take solace in the Biblical quote that the, “Meek shall inherit the earth.”

Subaru Outback says with baked-on dirt:

  • You have either a black lab or a golden retriever named Sierra.
  • You know where every Frisbee golf course is within a 200-mile radius of your home.
  • You wear Tevas to weddings.
  • You know at least one white guy with dreadlocks.

Hummer flexes and roars:

  • You falsely believe that the movie Terminator was a documentary.
  • You wear Kevlar underwear.
  • When stopped at railroad crossings you express shock when the train does not stop for you.
  • When you drop your kids off at school they tire of hearing you say, “Hasta la vista, babies.”
  • No one will carpool with you on the 10-mile drive  to work because they don’t like chipping in $75 each for gas money.

Prius chants between green-juice sips:

  •  You listen to NPR even during fund drives.
  • When making a snowman, you use an organic carrot for the nose.
  • Your living room wall sports a Fathead poster of Rachel Carson.
  • You have a compulsive need to turn every conversation, regardless of topic, to how much money you save on gas.

Nissan Cube says then posts on Facebook:

  •  You’re younger than 25, but tell people you "dude, feel so old."
  • Snooki is your favorite author.
  • You believe “LOL” is a punctuation mark.

Volkswagen Bus takes a puff and *cough* mutters:

  • You can relate to the Double Rainbow video guy.
  • You carry tofu-scented lip balm.
  • You've gotten naked at Burning Man every year since you graduated.






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