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  • But Officer...umm

    We've all heard them: in the movies, on television, from our best friends, or even out of our own mouth. What are they?

    The "But Officer..."

    The "But Officer..." is an amazing group of excuses used to justify why drivers were doing whatever it was they were doing when an officer pulls them over.

    Reckless, careless, and/or absentminded drivers hailing from all different parts of the country have spent years perfecting this group of often pathetic pleas, and thanks to them, those of us who use the "But Officer" often feel like we're lying even when we're not!

    So, it is without further ado that we present some of the most common "But Officer..."

    "...I'm not from around here."

    This "But Officer" is often used when a driver is caught speeding. The driver can blame his speeding on the fact―or lie―that he's not from that area and therefore wasn't aware of the speed limit.

    Catch an officer on a good day and this excuse might work; however, if the excuse holds no truth and the officer asks to see your license, you're totally busted.

    "...I'm on my way to the hospital."

    This "But Officer" used to explain the need for speed is immoral on so many levels.

    The reason for the fabled dash to the hospital varies from driver to driver. One may have a wife in labor. Another may be suffering from excruciating―and conveniently invisible―pain from some mysterious flu.

    This excuse is best executed with a moaning passenger, doubled-over and holding his stomach.

    Whatever the reason, trips to the hospital are not to be taken lightly. You may end up with an officer who wants to accompany you to the hospital to make sure you arrive safely, or one who's heard the excuse too many times―this isn't cool if you happen to be telling the truth for once.

    "...I'm almost out of gas!"

    For some reason, most of the people who use this "But Officer" aren't making excuses―they're actually running out of gas and believe their best bet is to speed to the nearest gas station.

    A word of advice: speeding up does not help you make the most of the gas you have left. Although you feel like you're getting to the gas station faster, you're actually just getting to the location at which your car is going to die faster.

    Driving faster uses more gas. Slow down, turn the air conditioning off, and cross your fingers.

    "...I have to get to the store before it closes!"

    This "But Officer" is tricky. If you claim you're headed to a pharmacy to fill a prescription for a sickly family member, you'll probably be let off the hook. However, like the hospital-related "But Officer," this is in poor taste.

    If you frantically explain to the officer that you need more popcorn for your daughter's slumber party, he'll most likely write you a ticket and point you in the direction of the nearest 24-hour Wal-mart.

    "...I only had one drink!"

    This is the worst "But Officer" of all because, sadly, half of it is true.

    If you're pulled over for speeding, swerving, or any other kind of reckless driving behavior due to alcohol consumption, you deserve to be ticketed. Drunk driving is a serious crime. It can not only devastate your life, but it can also devastate the lives of innocent victims.

    Don't bother trying to downplay the situation by claiming to have only had one drink, because regardless of whether or not that's true, you were still driving in such a way to get yourself pulled over.

    One drink may have been more than your body could handle that night.


    The next time you're pulled over, think twice before spitting out a "But Officer" at an officer who's probably heard them all before.

    Instead, drive like you value your life, and the lives of others. Not only will this spare you the expenses of ticket costs, court costs, and increased insurance premiums, but it may also spare those lives you value most.